Well, it’s late September, and that
means I made it through another year and another birthday. And since I’m a practicing Virgo, that means
I also survived my Annual Mid-Life Crisis TM. This was actually my 10th Annual
Mid-Life Crisis (AMLC) and quite possibly my last. I started this ritual before my 35th
birthday and since then I’ve covered a wide-range of life-expectancies from 70
to 90.
You may wonder, “Are you depressed, Greg?” Well, I always get a little introspective
near my birthday. I enjoy comparing my
life against a detailed milestone tracking spreadsheet (who doesn’t?). I think of the journey as a personal “Quo
Vadis”, or “where are you going” in Latin, a language which I’ve studied, but
remain less than fully fluent (reference D:314 in the spreadsheet).
You may ask “what if you croak
before you hit 70?" Excellent question,
and something I addressed exhaustively during my inaugural mid-life
crisis. CliffsNotes version: Yes, of course,
I should have started earlier. My plan,
which I hatched during that very first AMLC was to just make sure I live until
70. I know it’s weak, but it’s the best
I’ve got. I’m a goal-setter and that’s my goal. I think I can do it. Don’t mess with a goal-setting Virgo.
People ask me, “Why do you celebrate
your mid-life crisis every year?” Here’s
the benefit of celebrating (yes, it’s a celebration) the mid-life crisis annually: If you limit yourself to one mid-life crisis,
there is a lot of shit to think about. A
lot. More than you think. Even if you are relatively well adjusted,
it’s a lot of shit. Some people get a
mid-life crisis just thinking about thinking about it. It is just too much pressure to put on
yourself to sort out all your issues in one crisis. I’m lucky. I’m a planner. And I thought,
hey, why not spread this crisis into more manageable chunks? Here’s how mine have come to pass:
Annual
Mid-Life Crisis Tracking Spreadsheet
|
||
Year
|
Age
|
Topics
|
1999
|
35
|
Am I going to have kids, or not?
Also, why didn't I start these mid-life crisis sooner? |
2000
|
36
|
What is death going be like? Will I
be hungry?
|
2001
|
37
|
Have I ever made a flour-less
chocolate cake?
|
2002
|
38
|
Gulp. I'm going to be a dad.
|
2003
|
39
|
I have made zero progress this year!
|
2004
|
40
|
WTF I'm 40? How did that happen?
|
2005
|
41
|
I am never going to get to the moon.
|
2006
|
42
|
I really like the number 42.
|
2007
|
43
|
I sure miss being 42... hey what is
going on
with my toenails? |
2008
|
44
|
What am I going to do with the rest
of my life?
|
2009
|
45
|
Uh-oh: My eyes are not “sunken”. That is actually
where my real face is, underneath this face fat.
What kind of
exercises can I do for my face?
|
Sure, some years are deeper than others. But overall, I feel pretty good with this 10
year span. However, a pesky dreamer friend of mine (actually, I’m
lying, it’s just me) brought up a really great point, namely, “Greg, why stop
now? what if you live past 90?” I’ll
certainly ponder this during the next year.
I’ve created an option I call the “Annual Mid-Life Crisis in
Perpetuity.” It gives me the peace of
mind to know that my mid-life crisis occurred at the exact mid-point of my
life. It doesn’t get any better than
that. The freaky side benefit of the “Annual
Mid-Life Crisis in Perpetuity” is that if it turns out that I am immortal, I’m
still covered, no matter how long I live.
And that is an Annual Mid-Life Crisis I can believe in.
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